Moroni’s Trumpet Points…. Where??
In my continuing series of tying up loose ends and presenting the solutions to mysteries introduced in past entries and apparently forgotten, this week we’re going to answer the question that I know you’ve all been losing sleep over. Which way does Moroni (the statue atop most Mormon temples) point his trumpet?
Many of you took up arms, in the form of compasses, and went to battle. Teams of skeptics descended upon Mormon temples and took careful sightings of Moroni, intent on discovering the secret hidden from outsiders. You see, there’s been a subculture of conspiracy surrounding the direction Moroni points among church members and church outsiders for some time. It must have some deep, dark meaning.
A bit more detective work – and by that, I mean a lazy Google search – yielded some interesting resources (which seems even lazier given that astute readers of the original post had already pointed out these sources). LDSChurchTemples.com provides a Google Earth KML layer on its download page which makes it easy to find the temples on a map, as well as a Facts page that includes a section on questions about the Moroni statue. We learn this interesting tidbit:
Unlike most temples, the Seattle Washington Temple, Nauvoo Illinois Temple, and Taipei Taiwan Temple all have angel Moroni statues facing west due to the orientation of the lots and the placement of the spires (or towers).
What do they mean by “Unlike most temples”? Does that mean the rest point the opposite of west? Well, they don’t. Although east certainly seems to be the favorite direction – or at least, “generally east” – it’s certainly not the rule. Once I got enough results from enough of you, it quickly became clear that there is no apparent method to the madness. This is good, because it was going to be a royal pain in the ass to have to carefully map so many compass headings, properly accounting for map distortion and magnetic declinations. So I grabbed my son’s protractor, printed out the first “Map of the United States” that I found in Google’s image search, and went to work. Apologies to those outside the US; but I only heard from a handful of overseas temple visitors, and didn’t get enough data to warrant the much larger hassle to map everything out.
Here are the results:
Note the two little circled stars; those are Palmyra, New York, where Joseph Smith says he found the original gold tablets; and Independence, Missouri, where the Mormons believe Jesus will make an appearance whenever he gets back from Kolob (after a drink with Rael at the spa orbiting Saturn, no doubt). Some believe that either is a possible vertex where all the temple Moronis point.
Let’s revisit the popular theories of Moroni’s trumpet. Some of these were mentioned in my original post, and others were suggested by readers:
- They all point due east. Obviously untrue. In fact very few seem to point due east; if there is a most popular direction, I’d call it ESE. Perhaps the Mormon’s principal surveyor over the years has had a fondness for drink.
- They all point toward Palmyra (or Manchester), New York, where the gold tablets were buried. If true, the gold tablets must still be hidden somewhere, and hidden well, for even the Mormons can’t find them, according to our results.
- They all point toward Independence, Missouri. It’s said to be the original Garden of Eden among the faithful. If so, it must still smell of serpent feces, because Moroni seems singularly reluctant to point his nose toward it.
- Moroni points just off to one side of the main entrance, to give an asthetic appeal to an otherwise horrendously ugly building. This theory probably comes closest to the truth, from my experience. With only one exception, all the data I got back would support this. Most people didn’t specify which direction the main entrance points, but of those who did (and of those clearly visible on Google Earth) this seems to hold the most water. I think that’s what the trumpet’s spit valve is for.
And of course some of the data might be wrong. A lot of them were estimates, maybe some people got the magnetic declination thing wrong, maybe some of them reversed the angle because they were looking toward Moroni’s face. A fair enough criticism, and certainly true to some degree. And, having a fondness for drink myself, there’s no guarantee that my mapping of the data was especially accurate (note my first try at drawing the vector from the Orlando temple). Nevertheless, taking it all into account, I’m willing to go out on a limb, and claim that there’s no profoundly meaningful pattern evident in the direction Moroni points.
Now you’re probably saying to yourself “Oh sure, you’re on the payroll of Big Mormonism, to keep the conspiracy hidden by writing this blog.” Well, you might be right; if you think that, nothing I say could change your mind. I’ll forgive you if you send me 10% of your income as a tithe.
I would argue a bit with your suggestion that the most popular direction is ESE.
If you take into account the curving latitudinal lines on your map, you’ll find that the ones that appear to be pointing ESE are really pretty much pointing E. At least the ones in California and the northeast are pointing more-or-less East, then the ones in the mid-west and Florida are kind of ESE. Maybe it could be argued that the one in Utah is making a best effort to point to MO.
Nope. Most of those average around 15 degrees clockwise of due east. The vectors were adjusted for the curve of the latitude lines.
I’m no conspiracy monger, but the arrowed map of the US looks suspiciously like a schematic of the offense playbook of the Detroit Lions, a team with not one, but two Mormon players on its roster.
I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’….
“I’m no conspiracy monger, but the arrowed map of the US looks suspiciously like a schematic of the offense playbook of the Detroit Lions, a team with not one, but two Mormon players on its roster.
I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’….”
You know; I think you might be on to something.
Although, there appear to be some other teams with 2 (or more) LDS players on the team:
http://www.mormontimes.com/people_news/sports/?id=5659
Sure, but unlike the Lions, the arrows in the playbooks of the other teams with Mormon players all point towards the end zone.
Your premise is flawed, as the trumpet pictured in your original post clearly does not have a spit valve. ;)
Interesting bit of data work.
Let me just chime in as a practicing Mormon here.
The idea behind Moroni facing east is largely a symbolic nod to the notion that the Second Coming of Jesus Christ shall be from the east. Here’s a quote, I believe from Mormon founder Joseph Smith:
“But the Son of Man will come as the sing of the coming of the Son of Man, which will be as the light of the morning cometh out of the east.”
I believe that may be referencing to some Bible scripture or something, but I can’t give an exact reference. How seriously or literally this notion of Christ coming from the east is taken among Mormons will vary depending on the Mormon in question.
I believe there is also an unenforced informal practice of burying our dead with the feet facing east – a symbolic gesture toward the idea that when the dead are resurrected, they will rise to face the coming lord.
Again, how literally or how symbolically such things are taken vary from Mormon to Mormon.
Still waiting for the Mystery Lights at Sea solution…
https://skepticblog.org/2009/02/12/solving-the-mystery-lights-at-sea/
;)
http://www.ldschurchtemples.com/galleries/
You can test the “Moroni points just off to one side of the main entrance, to give an asthetic appeal” idea at that website. It’s got photos of dozens of temples
A cursory examination tells me that the theory is a fairly solid “I don’t know”. Some are, some aren’t.
The task is made rather difficult because it’s hard to figure out where exactly the main entrance is on some of these buildings.
Ya know, the phrase “golden TABLETS” is never used in LDS documents. It’s always “golden plates.” It’s a sign of where you get your information that you use the phrase almost exclusively used in polemical writings.
First, kudos to everyone for not jumping on the Mormon brave enough to comment on here.
Second, I think note ‘how literally or how symbolically such things are taken vary from Mormon to Mormon.’ would explain the variations seen on the map, the exceptions pointing west perhaps as such due to an aesthetic decision based orientation of the building as a whole.
Fun conversation.
Hey, let’s jump on Aaron instead.
where exactly in Independence was the garden of eden? Because that town is a shithole
“Moroni points just off to one side of the main entrance, to give an asthetic appeal to an otherwise horrendously ugly building.”
I dunno about that. The one in Edmonton, Alberta is quite a nice building IMHO. Its just the crazy, albeit incredibly nice, people inside.
Yeah, I don’t think they are all that bad either. Maybe a little grandiose and imposing, but still kinda cool in an offbeat kinda way. Yeah, that’s it. Offbeat good looks.
The first Mormon Temple I ever saw was in Cardston, Alberta when I was a kid. I thought “wow, look at that place. Those people must know what they are talking about, to have a building like that”. My old man set me straight from thinking that pretty quick, but it was impressive.
That temple doesn’t have a Moroni on the roof, BTW.
As you circle the Beltway in DC, you get a great view of the Bethesda temple looming in the distance, doing its best Emerald City impression.
Someone once even spray painted a Beltway overpass on the route with “Surrender Dorothy!”
As a kid, I always loved driving past the temple, especially when it was lit up at night. It’s all green then, so it *really* looks like the Emerald City. I always used to pretend that was, in fact, where the Wizard lived.
Granted, that notion was quickly disabused when we went out there one Christmas to look at the lights. Inside the front doors is a gigantic statue of Jesus that is motion sensitive. When you walk in front of it, it says one or two lines from the bible. It scared the stuffing out of me!
I thought Brian ruled against theories two and three much too quickly. Since the arrows are pointing around the surface of a sphere they eventually circle back around to this side of the planet. Where exactly they point might change depending on how they navigate the curvature of the earth. Perhaps they all congregate on some point after a certain number of times around the earth’s surface. I’m holding out for the number of revolutions to reveal something like the number of years until Jesus returns since Joseph Smith’s first vision (I don’t know my Mormon history, but I think this would be around 190 times or so if the coming is anywhere near now!) or something like that…
Well, you’re assuming the lines described by the arrows hug the earth’s curvature. Perhaps they shoot right off into space, into the heavens, as it were.
Depending on what sort of conception of space-time you hold to the same principle may still apply. I think flat space is the most in concept right now, but if it’s curved enough the arrows may still come back around.
True, true. Then there’s the whole multiverse thing.
As a follow-up are you going to ask us to dig up a bunch of dead Mormons and see which way their feet are facing?
What if they were involved in a horrific industrial accident and don’t have any feet? Do we project out from the hips?
I was told once that the trumpet pointed to the wealthiest bank in the town. Although I never believed that one, I would say that these days, they’d have to have a spinner atop the roof to keep up with all the acquisitions and overhauls!
When I was a kid (a long time ago), living in Utah, some kids put a sign on the statue of Bringum Young that said “Here stands Brigham high on his perch, with his hand to the Bank and his ass to the Church”. The kids thought it was hilarious, can’t say the same for the “adults”.