Cabinets of Curiosity:Vampire Killer Kits Pt.II
A Cabinet of Curiousities
The BS Historian is really something every skeptic should know about, especially if you happen collect weird stuff (like I do) or interested in so-called haunted artifacts or “antiquarian relics.” Cabinets of Curiosities have been around for centuries and those of us who take pride in our own mini-collections of bizarreness appreciate the idea of museum quality oddities – even if they are fake.
Ebay Vampire Kit: Yours for a Paltry $468.00
The latest news from BS Historian onVampire Kits. Looks like these things have no real identity (like we thought they did?) prior to the 70’s. I will borrow liberally (and thank him for his diligence) from BS’s up-dated site notes, which are always a refreshing break from the woo:
“The first printed reference to the existence of so-called Vampire Killer Kits is really very recent, being the October 1989 issue of Guns & Ammo magazine (itself footnoted in the 1994 ‘The Vampire Book’) and deals with a kit belonging to collector Val Forgett (now deceased) who gives no earlier date, claiming that he found it for sale at a US gun show.” So I guess we can take it for granted that The American Rifle Association condones keeping the local vampires under control.
BS Historian should have his own reality show. We now have some facts and dates. Interested? Read on and don’t forget “Suck” comes out this week. Who can pass up the chance to see Iggy Pop and Alice Cooper together in a film about kid vampire rock bands?
“The only “scientifically tested” vampire kit in the world is that in the possession of the Mercer museum, analyzed by the world-renowned Winterthur Museum. Their results showed no constituent earlier than 1945, and the Mercer place the kit into the 1970s to ’80s.”
Early Christian Broadcasting: "Kolchak"
“Weatherbeaten and distressted solid wood traveling carrying case
with genuine leather handle & trimming
Olive Wood Rosary Beads from Jerusalem
Crucifix
Chinese Bite Ointment
Bottle of Purifying Holy Water from the Jordan River Israel with optional cork or glass bottle stoppers
Glass Mirror with wood frame
1x glass bottle of Hydrofluoric Acid
1x glass bottle of Chloroform Liniment
1x glass bottle of Hamalogen : Blood Tonic
1x glass bottle of Black Leaf Poison
1x glass jar of Garlic Power
1x Custom turned on Wood Lathe Solid Wooden Mallet
1x Large hand to hand combat battle Custom turned on Wood Lathe Solid Wooden stake approximately 14″ long
2x Large size Custom turned on Wood Lathe Solid Wooden Stakes approximately 12″ long
2x Medium size Custom turned on Wood Lathe Solid Wooden Stakes approximately 10″ long
2x Small size Custom turned on Wood Lathe Solid Wooden Stakes approximately 7″ long
2x Solid Rusty corroded Metal Impaling Spikes approximately 6″ long
4x Solid Wood Entrance Blocker Crucifix
1x Cross Worry Stone
1x Cloth rag
1x Rope”
I have questions for the seller. The Stupidity Factor (SF) here is almost mind-numbing.
First off: It better be weather beaten and beaten good or I’m not buying. If it comes packed in a K-Mart striped backgammon case like some of the other “Limited Edition Paranormal Collector’s Items”* I have seen, it’s likely not coming to me direct from old Transylvania. I’m not too worried about the Rosary beads. Don’t they all come from Jerusalem? And what vampire hunter is worth his or her salt without a Cross Worry Stone? As for the garishly bold red font; is there such a thing as a non-solid custom turned on a lathe wooden vampire stake? What other kind are there? Wouldn’t a plain old knife sharpened piece of wood be more realistic. Did VanHelsing have a lathe? Why go to all that trouble?
1) Garlic Power: Maybe that’s a typo and it’s meant to read “garlic powder.” That makes more sense unless it’s some infomercial pill supplement. Either way, this sounds like a much more hip modern twist on the traditional garlic clove deal doesn’t it?
2) Hydrosflouric Acid: Hmmmmm. According to Wikipedia: “ The danger in handling hydrofluoric acid is extreme, as skin saturation with the acid in areas of only 25 square inches (160 cm2) may be relatively painless, yet ultimately fatal. High concentrations of hydrofluoric acid and hydrogen fluoride gas will also quickly destroy the corneas of the eyes. ”
Fatal? Nice. There should be no problem getting that through the U.S. Mail once you win this treasure trove of goodies. Just be sure to wear your steampunk goggles when you handle the stuff.
3) Chloroform Liniment: Listed on the Internet as a substitute for cod liver oil. Again, Wiki says,”Cod liver oil is widely taken to ease the pain and joint stiffness associated with arthritis.” So are we rubbing that on the hunter or the hunted?
4) Hamalogen: Blood Tonic: Other than on the actual listing from ebay I saw after Googling this priceless tonic, I can’t find anything on what it is. I’m assuming it’s something with a nice old label found in a garage sale. No connections to Bram Stoker or Bela Lugosi can be found.
5) Black Leaf Poison: This one seemed to ring a bell. I remember reading about it it “The C.I.A. Manual of Tricks and Deception,” (see previous blog on this) It’s actually a nicotine sulfate solution used to kill bugs. Before the C.I.A. began mixing up batches to mess with people, it was primarily used for ant and garden pest control and delousing poultry. What this has to do with vampirism and the undead is anybody’s guess. Sounds ominous though.
6) Chinese Bite Ointment:I didn’t see anything anywhere on this allegedly arcane item. I can’t understand how rubbing anything on a vampire bite is going to make any difference at all – even if it is exotic and Chinese. I did see a listing for Chinese bug bite repellent though. If you want to pay $468.00 for insect repellent that’s fine. It’s your money. I can get it for you wholesale.
7) Holy Water: Don’t forget that this holy water is from the “Jordan River Israel” and not just from the garden hose back out behind the barn. And you get your choice of “wood or glass stoppers.” Such a deal. Everyone needs a little holy water now and then, right? I have an official gold stamped plastic squeeze bottle I carry with me to seance shows – just in case I need it. This potion is not only good for warding off evil spirits as the Catholic Church recommends, but it keeps off aggressive pets or Jehovah’s Witnesses too.
Elias Ashmole
Wealthy collectors have been fascinated with accumulating collections of weird stuff since time began. In the 1600’s, when things of exotic interest started to come back to Europe from such far away places as West Indies and North or South America, the jaded rich developed a healthy appetite for the unusual. If they couldn’t find a way to travel to those locales in person to buy odd feathers, skeletons and baubles, they demanded the curios and souvenirs that were up until that time unavailable anywhere else be brought back at any price. It was a sign of class distinction and snobbery to have trinkets like a shrunken head from Borneo or a rhinoceros horn. Cabinets of Curiosities became all the rage.
Long before modern museums (or Ripley’s Believe it or Not) began the tradition of separating out individual collections such as Natural, Scientific and Cultural, people like Elias Ashmole (1617 -1692) were amassing huge assemblages of rare and fantastic plants, fossils and odd objects. A fascinating character, the extent of Ashmole’s involvement and commitment to numismatics, chorography, alchemy, astrology, astronomy, botany and Freemasonry remains essentially unclear. This man of mystery was an avid collector of curiosities and rare artifacts. Many of these he acquired from the traveller, botanist, and collector John Tradescant the Younger. Ashmole donated most of his collection, his antiquarian library and priceless manuscripts to the University of Oxford to create the Ashmolean Museum.
After reading Lawrence Weschler’s fascinating book on The Museum of Jurassic Technology: “Mr. Wilson’s Cabinet of Wonder,” I have a new respect for the history of collecting and why people are drawn to purchase, collect and spend their hard earned money on things like a Vampire Killing Kit.
Wonder is the key word here. We will never be able to totally erase mans obsession with things of wonder. This is s good thing, at least for me. As a magician and mentalist, without wonder, I would be out of a job.
Without wonder science, religion, and the need for critical thinking would cease as well.
It doesn’t matter whether or not it’s real or fake, Barnum was right. There is a sucker born every minute. Like ridiculous psychic claims, the more bizarre it is, the higher price it will fetch. Not much has changed. Google our modern day version of Sir Francis Drake’s ship “The Golden Hind;” …Ebay. Listings for so-called “haunted” objects, properties and sometimes even people can be found listed there almost daily. I have to admit I once bid on (and won) a reportedly haunted candle holder. I’m sure it came from Pier One Imports, but someone had taken the time to weave a plausible story and patina the thing to give it a grimy looking aged pale. It’s sitting in my own “cabinet” and so far hasn’t done anything but sit there gathering dust. I probably paid a few bucks extra for the pleasure of the wonder of it. I’m still wondering why I bought it.
Wonder and having the ability to wonder keeps us on our toes – but buyer beware.
You can read more about these vampire kits and 0ther relic scams by Googling BS Historian. Highly recommended.
*AND WOULDN’T YOU KNOW IT: No sooner had I returned home from work and logged in to my lap top, this email arrived:
http://www.nbcuniversalstore.com/detail.php?p=259548&v=syfy_ghost-hunters
As the sender wrote: IIG Should have seen this coming.
Well, I did, …sorta.
.
I think there are two kinds of people — those who are obsessed with Weird Old Stuff, and those who just don’t get it. Readers who enjoy this sort of thing should certainly be aware of the Morbid Anatomy blog. And if I lived anywhere near Brooklyn, I’d certainly visit the Morbid Anatomy Library and patronize their excellent lecture series whenever possible — because I am obsessed with Weird Old Stuff.
Van Helsing would indubitably have had access to a wood lathe; they have been around a few hundred years before the invention of the electric motor, according to my little machinist’s pamphlet. I suspect the origins to be much earlier since some construction details are similar to that of a potter’s wheel, and the Wikipedia claims it actually dates back to about 1300 BCE. You get a much sharper point on a stick with the use of a knife though; using a lathe will never give you as sharp a point on wood.
Those Chinese vampires have a particularly nasty bite, which is why you need that ointment.
For anyone who might have hydrofluoric acid around, I recommend neutralizing it with calcium chloride. No one should handle hydrofluoric acid without appropriate training and equipment; there’s a pretty long list of the nasty things it does.
I suspect “scientifically tested vampire kit” doesn’t mean “tested for its efficacy on vampires” but rather “analyzed to determine origin and age of parts.” For example, if an iPod is part of the kit, you know it couldn’t have been put together more than – gee, how long ago was the iPod introduced? An iPod will be a dead giveaway, but people whose business is authenticating artifacts have a very detailed knowledge of how to identify methods of manufacture by examining an item and they also have a very good knowledge of styles through the ages. Give them a crystal skull for example and they will probably be able to say it must have been manufactured after some date (say, 1960) and may even tell you the tools and techniques used in the manufacture. The effort needed to get these people to say that a forgery “might be authentic” is phenomenal, especially when you consider the problem of aging of some materials. Making a convincing fake of processes which take decades or even centuries in nature is extremely difficult these days thanks to modern analysis techniques.
That is precisely what it means – as the links show, the Mercer Museum went to the Winterthur museum’s labs to get the paper, glue, ink and possibly other aspects of their kit dated. Hence the earliest date of 1945. The Mercer take a later view (as do I), that it’s a product of the ’60s and ’70s, but I don’t know whether they have an evidential basis for that, whether they’ve taken a folklore/fiction approach as I have, or whether they are just taking De Winter’s claim at face value. In any case I tend to agree.
I kinda have to admit that these things do look very cool. If I had extra money to burn, I wouldn’t mind owning them just to display them on my coffee table or something as a conversation piece.
Exactly. That’s my point here.Nothing wrong with displaying these things on your coffee table or in your “cabinet.” If – as a conversation piece, the conversation turns to a skeptical view, that’s even better. But the glut of these paranormal “kits” like the latest GhostFinder briefcase referenced sends a mixed message doesn’t it? I know I’m being a bit silly here. Most of us love this stuff, but it’s a little unnerving (considering the educational levels these days) to think that there are people out there who might be tempted in their zeal for authenticity, to drive a stake into some poor deluded Goth kid. Not likely,just a thought. I’m sure the GhostFinder kit has many followers who not only run around thinking a EMF meter can find ghosts. It’s that fuzzy line between art and life again…
A Vampire Kit with a Goth Finder? I hope no one’s stupid enough or neurotic enough to go Goth Hunting. The Ghost Hunting kit just isn’t worthwhile. You can put the same tacky kit together for much less money, with the possible exception of the tacky “K-2 EMF Meter” – I don’t know where to get one of those. (I haven’t been in a Tandy store for decades.) Yeah, I’d appreciate a Vamp Hunter kit if it was well crafted (though I wouldn’t spend money on one myself), but if someone showed me that Ghost Hunting kit I’d just snort at them and put them down.
Another thing that Wikipedia says about Hydrifluoric acid:
“Hydrofluoric acid is best known to the public for its ability to dissolve glass…”
So perhaps that “1x glass bottle of Hydrofluoric Acid” is not what it claims to be. Just like that “scientifically tested” claim…
How can they sell hydrofluoric acid in a glass bottle?
Everybody (except the seller of the kit) knows that HF corrodes glass.
I’m often tempted to drive a stake through a poor deluded Goth kid, but it’s not becuase I think they’re vampires, they just bug me.
I love the aesthetics of these kits. If were fortunate enough to have income to burn I’d have one of these puppies. They may not help deal with a pesky vampire, but they may come in handy when the Jehovah’s Witnesses come knocking.
Hate to tell these people but hydrofluric acid cannot be kept in glass bottles as it eats glass. it is usualy used to etch those nice designs into glass. It also penetrates the skin and goes to the bone where it starts to eat along the length of the bone the treatment is painful consisting of injections to try to stop the spread.
I seem to recall from chemistry class that hydrofluoric acid dissolves almost everything, even glass, so you don’t keep the stuff around. You manufacture it where it’s needed, and then take some pretty massive safety precautions to protect everybody from the extreme toxicity of the stuff.
The safety precautions are very simple. Anything elaborate is more likely to fail. Hydrofluoric acid doesn’t quite eat away at everything; some plastics are fine, synthetic sapphire is OK, and even 24K gold is OK (but awfully expensive).
I had an idea for a story about a Van Helsing-like character in modern day running about killing those nuts who fancy themselves vampires. Van Helsing as the villain, blood fetishists his victims. Got the idea from listening to Art Bell’s callers.
My anthropology instructor 15 or so years ago at LA Valley college said curio cabinets were fashionable in the 19th Century… people collected all kinds of things like fossils and little collectibles such as you’ve described, and then showed them off to their friends and visitors. My mom had a cabinet that was open, and you could see what was inside, except that’s where she kept the “good” china, not any collection of fun stuff. Now, we have a lot of little fossils, including some coprolites in graduated sizes, and other collections and no nice way to display them. What the Vampire Killer kit reminded me of, however, was the TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Buffy had a whole little kit that included not the chemicals, but some special stakes… and some cool martial arts moves.
But — enough with Buffy. Can we talk some more about Kolchak – The Night Stalker? I’m sorry, I just got carried away with the fun of it all.
there are also brass candle holders that are nice but much more expensive than iron candle holders ~`.
The kit that cost$468.00 is made by Dimensional Designs, They have alot of cool sci fi and horror kits and props for sale. I have never seen them try to pawn the kit off as real, but i have not seen the ebay listing. They have a smaller kit for $268.00 that will look cool in my cabinet with my side Show Toys universal Monsters stuff, I just might get it.
I just saw the “weatherbeaten distressed” case at JoAnn’s Fabrics in Leesburg, VA. It is 50% off and you can get it for about $14.99…it is in a warm dry place on the Clearance shelf so I’m not sure how it will achieve the weatherbeaten look and as it is too high for a child to reach, I doubt it will be distressed…I opened it and it still contained another case inside in the wrapping which tells me the case has just been taken in shipment…so you can buy the case, find bottles online, get some really nice antique bottle templates for free and mix a little used motor oil and Sundrop soda to make the contents…and find that old kitchen chair and take the legs off to get the “lather turned” wooden stakes…probably take a little work to wrap that mallet with leather thong, but the whole case is doable for around $40 or less…oh yeah, the cross is available at joAnn’s, it wasn’t on sale, but the saleslady was kind enough to let me use a store coupon for 50% off…ok you got me…I put a kit together that looks much nicer than the one for $468.00…you can too. See you at DragonCon!
Thanks for sharing.