Then, a couple of weeks ago, another Obama-is-the-Antichrist campaign started up again. This time it came in the form of a viral YouTube video which claims that Jesus was quoted in the Gospel according to Luke to have revealed the name of the Antichrist.  This a accomplished with the help of some cryptic association of the president’s first and last name when rendered in Aramaic, combined with bad Hebrew pronunciation, gleamed from a text written in Greek. I will leave it up to Mike Heiser, host of the PaleoBabble blog,  Academic Editor for Bible Study Magazine, who is no fan of the President but has expertise in Hebrew and Aramaic to debunk this latest bunk.

The reason I am particularly interested in this recent silliness about our President being the Antichrist is that as a native Chinese speaker, I am familiar with how easy it is to make wild associations with names when transliterated to another language. It is difficult if not impossible to phonetically represent non-Chinese names in Chinese without imparting some unintended meaning to the name. The Chinese language is tonal and monosyllabic and in written form, a single character represents a concept with a unique sound.  As an example, a simple name like “Mary” is represented by two Chinese characters with the sound of “Ma” and “Li” (with no “r” sound character, the “l” will have to do.) So “Mary” is transliterated as “Ma-Li.”  The best possible outcome for making up names is for the characters with the proper sounds when strung together to make no sense at all or to mean something pleasant or good.  That’s not always possible.  “Ma” is “horse.”  “Li” is “good omen” or “tongue” depending on the character used.  So, the name “Mary” in Chinese can mean a “Good omen horse” or “Horse’s tongue.”  Now, imagine a multi-syllabic name like “Roosevelt.”  The standard Chinese rendering of this presidential name is with three characters: “Lor – See – Fook.”  It’s meaningless but with only slight tonal shift, it can mean “Gong Buttocks.”  I understand that Chinese newspapers have settled on President Obama’s name as “Oh – Barn – Ma.” In Cantonese the 3 characters used sounds like “Australian Striped Horse or Zebra. Now, go have fun with it!  Every kid in Chinese school history classes have enjoyed many giggling fits with historical Western names rendered in Chinese characters – they range from funny to downright vulgar depending on what character is used to get the sound!  A quick check with my mom’s Chinese newspapers showed that they have given up on trying to render Nancy Pelosi’s name in Chinese – they just print her name in alphabets. There is just no graceful way to get a Chinese version of “Nancy” without sounding awkward and even awful! Most Chinese political cartoons or jokes involve punning with a politician’s name, substituting a character with another of the same sound but giving the name a whole new meaning. This phonetic mangling of names, intentional or otherwise is ubiquitous. A Vietnamese immigrant family with a last name of “Phuc” is well advised to change it if they don’t want their children to be butt of jokes in school!  The reason I have spent so much ink explaining the difficulty of representing  a name in a foreign language is to illustrate how disingenuous and desperate the Antichrist crowd is to have to resort to phonetically deconstructing the President’s name in Hebrew, quoted from an Aramaic speaker, recorded in Kione Greek 1,900 years ago!

It comes as no surprise that this particular application of linguistic ignorance to make a bad theological case for whatever suits ones prejudice can get traction so easily in monolingual America.  A vast majority of the population have no competence in a foreign language and therefore have little appreciation for subtle linguistic nuances and how barely noticeable tonal variations in pronunciation are not just minor regional accent difference but can change meanings of words and sentences. With the help of a sprinkling of Hebrew numerology, true believers can have fun creating conspiracy theories by quote-mining the Old and New Testaments.  So, for the next four (or eight) years, this kind of exercise with gematria, conflation of Hebrew, Aramaic & Greek and mutilation of other Semitic languages will continue in full force to make the case that Barack Hussein Obama is indeed the Antichrist. (Notice the 6 letters in each name – hence 666, the number of the Beast – it’s just too easy! Oh, but wait, “Hussein” has 7 letters!  No, it’s only 6 letters when spelled in Greek … and on .. and on .. and on…)  Apocalyptic expectation of Armageddon has always been a fixture on the landscape of American culture and politics.

I am old enough to remember reading about the Antichrist and the End Times way back in the 1970s, featuring Hal Lindsey, Jerry Jenkins, Tim LaHaye and hoards of co-religionists cashing in with books, lectures and videos.  They were assuring us all, with exactly the same rhetoric and tortured exegesis as today’s apocalypticists that the Antichrist would unify Europe, promise peace, and start the Battle of Armageddon with the help of the USSR.  Remember the USSR?  And what happened to all of Lindsey’s, LaHaye’s and Jenkins’ predictions? Nothing. The Late Great Planet Earth will end in 1988? Not!  How about NASA engineer Edgar Whisenant’s “88 reasons Why the Rapture will be in 1988”? Not! (Just goes to show that being an engineer does not inoculate one from being a looney coo-coo!)

Does the current generation of Antichrist-Is-Already-Here, Rapture-Is-Eminent proselytizers ever read history? Is it possible they did not know of the long list of world leaders who had been branded as the Antichrist over the last 60 years; Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, various popes, Mao Tse-Tung,  Anwar Sadat, Saddam Hussein, Sun Myung-Moon, Henry Kissinger  to just name a few. Oh, let’s not forget Mikhail Gorbachev, with a birthmark on his head that every eschatologist was so damn sure was the “mark of the beast” mentioned in Revelation.  These Apocalypse-Now Chicken Littles deserve to be scorned and mocked for their prediction track record of 100% failure rate. Check out a few webpages for a small sampling. Here’s a list of predictions for 1971-1997 which failed.  Here’s a list of predictions for 1998-1999 which failed. And here’s a list of predictions for 2000-2005 which failed.  So, why are so many attracted to this Antichrist, Rapture, Armageddon Apocalyptic worldview? And why are they all unabashedly prepared to be wrong again and again?

Occasionally in my more charitable mood, I can convince myself that these true-believers must have taken Martin Luther’s Sola Scriptura directive to heart but are intellectually deficient to understand what they are reading when they try to read the Bible on their own. They lacked the inquisitiveness to acquire the necessarily scholarship on the history and cultural backdrop of a very complex narrative about a region and time so alien to them. They ended up creating a new religion based on misshapen symbolism and misdirected allegories, and in doing so, committed idolatry which the Bible had warned against in the first place. How else can anyone explain Lindsey’s claim that a first century narrative of desert locusts was really a foretelling of helicopter gunships twenty centuries later in a Middle Eastern desert?

When I am less magnanimous I dismiss all these eschatological stuff as having nothing to do with Biblical interpretation. The people involved really don’t think the End Time is near. They enjoy fantasizing about it because they know it’s not true and delight in mentally constructing outrageous improbably scenarios just for the kick of it to see how far out they can push the story.  It’s the equivalent of all those letters-to-the-editor sexual escapades in men’s magazines – guys reading them know none of it is true but nevertheless they get a kick out of reading it anyway because they wish it could happen to them. Speculating about who the next Antichrist is and when the Rapture will happen is theological pornography for these believers.

However, a more somber and sober consideration which should not be ignored is that this constant proof-texting and data-mining, backed by twisted and unscholarly hermeneutics to make the case for the appearance of the Antichrist and place the Rapture within our life time may be perpetrated by a bunch of pathological social misfits who cannot comprehend or cope with the modern world.  Stuck in a fast-changing world that they can neither fit in nor care to, they take solace in wishing for and fantasizing about the end of that world with the gory and fiery destruction of people they hate.  The cynic in me thinks that the modern day Antichrist movement may be invented by a bunch of lazy believers who felt compelled to do God’s work but then found it too demanding, and by believing that the world is going to end soon will make their being Christians easier.

I am not a Biblical scholar and will admit that after reading the Bible from Genesis to Revelation more times than any science geek should admit to, I still don’t know what the Book of Revelation is really about. All I know is that in recent years it’s been adopted as a canon within a canon by the lunatic fringes of the Religious Right and the Anarchic Left (Yes, many “liberation theologians” hate the U.S. and have America labelled as the Antichrist.)  It has also acted as magnet for and gives aid and comfort to the deranged such as Jim Jones, and psychotics like David Koresh, and greedy charlatans like Elizabeth Clare Prophet, to make wild apocalyptic pronouncements and to see an Antichrist coming around every corner. I am assured by many friends and relatives who are sincere and devout Christians that they have no need for this End Times stuff in their quest for communion with God.

Promoters of Obama-is-the-Antichrist polemics are not even funny – at least the “birther” are so comically incompetent they are laughable.  They may not like the fact that he won the election; they may disagree with his policies and they may hate his Supreme Court appointee but procuring their eschatological viewpoint from reading the Left Behind series and then clamoring to make the case that he’s the Antichrist is asylum-worthy and should disqualify them from the arena of political discourse.

And please don’t get me started on the Mayan Calendar 2012 apocalypse – this bombastic nonsense is not even at the level of bunk to be worth debunking!

Recommended Reading
For those interested in reading books about the Book of Revelation written by biblical scholars (of which Tim LaHaye, Jerry Jenkins and Hal Lindsey are definitely not,) I recommend the following:

How to Read the Apocalypse by Jean-Pierre Prevost, gives an overview of the symbolism, numbers, historical context of all the important characters and story lines in the Book of Revelation.

Four Views on the Book of Revelation is a book by four different Evangelical authors, each explaining one of the four dominant Evangelical presentation of the Book. It’s a college level text book and definitely not for casual reading.

Paperback Apocalypse is a non-academic book by Robert M. Price, a professor of New Testament and Systemic Theology.  With the subtitle “How the Christian Church Was Left Behind,” Prof. Price makes no apologies for that fact that he wrote this book as an antidote to the LaHaye-Jenkins “Left Behind” series.

Arguing the Apocalypse by Stephen O’leary.  This book examines and analyzes in detail two specific End Times predictions that failed – The Millerites (predecessors of today’s Seven Day Adventists) of mid-19 Century and the LaHaye-Jenkins phenomenon of the 1970s and 1980.

“For 23 years, my show has presented thousands of topics that reflect the human experience, including doctors’ medical advice and personal health stories that have prompted conversations between our audience members and their health care providers. I trust the viewers, and I know that they are smart and discerning enough to seek out medical opinions to determine what may be best for them.”

Sorry, Oprah – wrong. She may indeed trust her viewers to be smart but her celebrity status, amplified by her frequent celebrity guests,  blinds many of them from making rational decisions about their health and well-being.  Our celebrity-obsessed culture influences many to accept all the medical quackery she promotes on her show, aided and abetted by way-past-their-prime celebrities and New Age cultist physicians. From ex-Playboy Centerfold Jenny McCarthy and her anti-vaccination campaign to 1970’s blonde bombshell Suzanne Somer’s promotion of “bioidenticals hormone” therapy and the regular appearance of “quantum fantasist” Deepak Chopra, Oprah has done more to misinform our fellow citizens about science, damage respect for science and science-based knowledge than all the Young Earth Creationist propagandists combined. Does Oprah not know how much damage she can do and hurt she can bring when she let someone so completely ignorant of chemistry and physiology as Suzanne Somers to come on to her show to promote her nonsense and exploit the scientific ignorance of her viewers. Ms Somers claims that in addition to taking over 60 vitamin pills a day she also injects her vagina herself with “natural” estrogen synthesized from plants. Ms Somers harped on the claim that estrogen synthesized from plants is natural (because it’s sold by “alternative” medicine websites?) but estrogen prescribed by board certified M.D.’s are not (because it’s sold by Big-Pharma?) So, female readers, – please do not inject anything into your vagina unless it’s done by a board certified gynecologist! And more importantly, please, please do not take medical advice about your reproductive system from anyone (including Oprah) who cannot even use the correct terminology to describe one of your most important reproductive organs. (It’s called the vagina – it’s not a bad word and it’s not V-jayjay!  Pul-leeeez!  Adult women sitting around giggling about their reproductive organs using made-up baby-talk or middle-school slang is not funny and promotes and celebrates ignorance.)

After Newsweek’s take down of the woo-mistress, who did you expect would come to her defense? No other lesser woo-miester than Dr Deepak Chopra who is a frequent guest on Oprah’s show. In a Huffingpost column, Dr. Chopra wrote in her defense: “And the fact that she has celebrity guests who have causes and crusades in the area of health, such as Jenny McCarthy or Suzanne Somers, is not the same as Oprah herself endorsing what they say.” No sh*t Sherlock! What kind of logic is that? For an audience of science-phobic and scientifically ignorant but celebrity-obsessed TV addicts who don’t know their vagina from their vulva; who think that “chi” is real; and who take Jenny McCarthy’s “keep toxins away from my child, don’t vaccinate” mantra to heart, (but ignore the fact that she injects herself at frequent intervals with botulism toxin!) having celebrity guests on her show to push ignorant superstitious nonsense is dangerous and detrimental to the general health and well-being of our population. Is it a wonder at all that areas with the lowest childhood vaccination rates are in suburbs where upper middle-class stay-at-home moms have the luxury to spend time watching the Oprah Show and have their minds poisoned by Ms McCarthy’s anti-vaccination message? (The most recent California Department of Health statistics listed Marin County – one of the richest counties in the country – with kindergartners non-medical immunization exemption rate at 6.3% while neighboring Solano county with blue-collar towns like Vallejo has an exemption rate of only 0.9%)

While the likes of Suzanne Somers and Jenny McCarthy, due to their lack of formal science education may be just ignorant blabber mouths, Dr. Deepak Chopra does not have that excuse. He has a real medical degree from a highly respectable university but yet he chose to ignore everything he learned in medical school and instead makes his millions giving medical advice conspicuous by the absence of science. Dr Chopra endorses, promotes and defends every form of alternative medicine as long as it is based on some ancient Eastern-Mystical tradition. (When he writes or talks, he sprinkles words like “quantum” and “energy field” liberally in meaningless context just to add an air of scientific authority.)  Consider this defense of acupuncture where Dr. Chopra writes in Huffington Post citing this latest study of acupuncture as “evidence” that the modality works: “In Seattle a recent study of 638 patients with chronic lower back pain were given either some sort of acupuncture or standard treatment with anti-inflammatory drugs and massage. On average, the acupuncture patients received twice as much benefit as those on standard treatment. The kicker is that some of the patients received fake acupuncture — they were pricked superficially with toothpicks — and received the same relief.” No, Deepak, are you really so dense as to not understand what the study showed about acupuncture? The study clearly demonstrated that “fake” or “sham” acupuncture, done with toothpicks or needles poked randomly without regards to locations of the mystical “chi” meridian lines works just as well as “real” acupuncture. Goofy charade with sharp objects (toothpicks?) poked randomly at body parts is not acupuncture by even the most lax definition of what acupuncture is and if it works just as well as acupuncture with real needles inserted at proper “chi” meridian line locations, can we not learn something – that perhaps “real” and “sham” acupuncture are the same thing? If there is no difference between “real” acupuncture and sham/fake acupuncture, where is the evidence that there is anything to support acupuncture other than the fact that it’s just a placebo? The awful truth about this acupuncture study is that it’s either the first nor the only, but one of many such studies done, which confirmed the same placebo effect outcome. There is no shame, and it’s not a crime to be ignorant, but it is stupid to continue to be ignorant when information and knowledge is handed to you or shoved in your face. It is highly irresponsible for someone with credentialed authority (like an M.D. and with license to practice medicine) to knowingly and deliberately disseminate wrong information about proven ineffective treatments and to actively promote ignorance and stupidity. Dr. Deepak Chopra seem to have an endless supply of drivel and never miss an opportunity to preach his nonsense when given an audience – which lately seem to be provided by Oprah and PBS pledge weeks.

Thanks to the organizers, I had a front row VIP seat to watch this experiment. (I guess there are some advantages to being a D-list celebrity!!)  I was very impressed with how meticulous the experiment was conducted and even more impressed with how all the audience (estimated at about 500) was able to keep absolutely quiet and still – not a cough, not a chair squeak – throughout the duration of the challenge.  I can’t imagine a room full of skeptics – outspoken skeptics – watching this demonstration of psychic power not wanting to scream out some invective or irreverence comment.  But we were all very well behaved and the demonstration of psychic Sonne’s ability to dowse failed – failed spectacularly.

The honest truth is that while I sat watching her dowse, I somehow wanted her to succeed.  Yes, my rational-self knew she would fail. I understand the laws of physics and that the fundamental forces of nature as well as statistics are not in her favor.  But yet, deep down, and for very selfish reasons I wanted her to succeed.  If she could indeed dowse for the cards under such strict conditions, she would be on her way to proof there there possibly could be another force of nature hereto undiscovered – and I was in a front-row seat to witness it – how cool is that?

I am trained as a scientist and worked in applied science and engineering all my working life but I grew up in a culture where existence of unmeasurable, undetectable imaginary force fields are taken for granted.  Perhaps if Connie succeeded and dowsing is indeed a reality, we can set out to find the reality behind the phenomenon. If we can find the “dowsing force” can we not find the “chi force” and rehabilitate my fore-bearers pseudoscience and bad medicine?  Wishful thinking!

There is one observation I would like to share with you – and that is the noticeable absence of attendees and panel participants of Asian descent.  This is not the only skeptics movement events where I have noticed this dearth of Asian (especially Chinese and Koreans) participation. Go to any science, technology events or to any science and engineering departments in any major universities in North America and you will see people of Chinese, Korean and Japanese ancestry very well represented. Yet, they are all but absent from the skeptics movement.  I met a couple of “pale white guys” (their words!) from the skeptic society in Vancouver, BC, Canada and they brought up the same observation.  Vancouver, BC has the largest Chinese population or any cities outside China, after Singapore, yet they are conspicuously absent from their local skeptic movement. I find it impossible to belief that all the professors in physics, chemistry,  or astronomy of Chinese ancestry in our great universities and research centers believe in chi, animal astrology, feng shui and other woo-woo nonsense.  I cannot believe that all the pharmacology professors in our most esteem pharmacy and medical schools would accept all the Chinese herb remedies that have been tested and found to be a placebo at best and harmful at worst. So where are they in the skeptic movement – are they not interested in getting the message out?  Are they not willing to “rock the boat” when it comes to skewering the holy cows of their own culture?  Is there too much respect for their ancestors and filial piety prevents them from criticizing their ancestors cherished believes?

I don’t know, but I’ll be looking in it and see if I can do some outreach!

Troupe of Proboscis monkeys

The purpose of the trip was to attend my high-school class of 1969 40th reunion. In addition to meeting up with classmates who stayed and made their lives in Malaysia, I met up with classmates from Canada, Australia, Singapore and the U.S.  A few of us made our way (45 min. flight, 5 hr. drive and 45 min. up river by boat) to the interior of Borneo and spend a few nights in the Kinabatangan valley to see for ourselves what was left of the virgin primary forest – and communed with orangutans, horn bills, proboscis monkeys and even a pygmy Borneo elephant.
This is the area where Alfred Russell Wallace spent two years (1854-56) collecting specimens, many of which were sent to Charles Darwin. His book “The Malay Archipelago” (dedicated to Charles Darwin) was prominently on display and for sale in many local craft shops and book stores. I had to get a copy and ended up reading it on the plane on the way home. (Ok, he was a collector of specimens not a conservationist so he shot 17 orangutans within a month of getting there and sent skin samples and skeletons to England! Yikes!)

The Malay Archipelago by Alfred Russel Wallace

One of our classmates Robert Chong owns and operates the Kinabatangan Jungle Camp which has been written up in many eco-travel guides as the place to go for a taste of the real jungle.  In addition to a generous classmate discount, he threw in all the beer and wine we can drink in the 3 days and 2 nights.  I hope we didn’t scare away too many orangutans with our giggling and howling all night!  Robert has served as the expert guide for many naturalists and birdwatchers who came from all over the world to this forest still teaming with wild life, so to be reintroduced to the wilds of our old Borneo by one of our own was an especially moving experience.

Kota Kinabalu (KK) has changed a lot since I left in 1970. Its claim to fame of course was from the TV Reality Show “Survivor.” The first season in 2000 was filmed on Pulau Tiga, just off the coast of KK. Except for Season 1, Survivor Borneo, the show has not been shown on local TV since then – but local tourism officials still recall fondly the time when the American TV crews bought up all the rooms in the only 5-star resorts in town! When I left KK (1970 pop. – 30,000), there was not even television broadcast yet! Today, this city of half a million is a striving modern metropolis with direct flight from Singapore, Kuala Lumpur, Hong Kong, Melbourne, Manila, and Taipei, four 5-star resorts, wall-to-wall malls and with Starbucks, KFC’s, Pizza Huts and McDonalds in every other block!

While all the malls are very modern and quite similar to any malls you will find in Anytown, U.S., there is one significant difference – the ubiquitous “health centres” on every level.  Woo is alive and well in KK shopping malls.  Every floor of every mall has their share of “health centres” which are actually facial and reflexology businesses.

“Facial” is not just for the face – it’s “skin care” woos of every description. Name any skin care and “youth restoration” product you ever saw on late night infomercial in the U.S. and they have it – and more. Other than the usual hype of different concoctions for different types of skin, they have specialties for different blood types, skin and facial treatments for different “time of the month” and time of the year (even though KK has no seasons and has average temp of 81 deg. and 90% humidity all year round.) For many of my female classmates, anecdotal evidence that their weekly visits to these parlors for their herbal/placenta wrap and botox/collagen cream treatment works was unfortunately reinforce by comparison with a few returnees’ foreign (read “white”) wives with their prematurely wrinkled and sun blotched skin (from over-enthusiastic sun tanning in their youth before SP30 sunscreen was deemed necessary!) True believers that they are, my suggestion that their good complexion may not be all due to their treatments at these facial salons devoid of any dermatological expertise was heresy. I suggested that they have such good complexion in their late 50’s should probably be credited to their Asiatic ancestor who endowed them with good genes and cultural taboo against being darken by the sun when they were young (every school girl walked under an umbrella when we were growing up.)

Reflexology centers are all adorned with anatomy posters on the wall with well-annotated “chi” lines and acupressure points.  But in reality, what is offered in these mall stores is nothing more than just hard pressure massage, and is offered for every combination and permutation of body parts. All my classmates, male and female, local to KK swear by them – a quick stop at one of these mall heath centers

Ear Candles - Made in Germany is the selling point!

on the way home after a hard days work is a must to be “rejuvenated” for the evening! Many of the health and facial centers like to attach the word “homeopathy” to their names. Upon questioning the “health professionals” in these centers, it became quite obvious that they have absolutely no idea what the term

What the heck is Homeopathy Reflexology?

“homeopath” really refers to. I think they confused “natural” or even “organic” with “homeopathy.” So, a “homeopathy reflexology centre” will use only organic oils and creams. Ear-Candling is big too – and European imported ear candles are all the rage.  Ear-Candling is included in most “package” deals you get from one of these health centers. My wife had to try the reflexology massage but definitely passed on the ear candling.

One of the Facial Rejuvenation centers advertise a “Breast Firming and Hot Mask” treatment which sounded very intriguing. In the interest of science and research, I tried to persuade my wife to find out what it was all about – I was going to pay for the RM$40 (about US$11.) But she was quite offended that the thought that her breasts needed firming would even crossed my mind. So, on that front, I have nothing to report!

Advise to husbands - do NOT suggest wife try last item!

Waiting ...

Earlier this week, on my way to lunch, I had to weave my way through throngs of students queuing up to try to get tickets to see the Dalai Lama who will be speaking at the university (University of California, Berkeley) in April. This is the 50th anniversary of his exile from Tibet — when the Chinese government annexed his country.  The Dalai Lama, his family and his “court” escaped and are now all living in exile in Dharamsala, India. With no country to run, his full time job is now the chief propagandist for the Tibetan government-in-exile, and by all accounts, he is really good at it.

As attested to by the long line of admirers waiting to get tickets to hear him, some of whom camped out overnight to be guaranteed a spot up front, his message of non-violent resistance to the Chinese occupation struck a chord with idealistic young students.  In my casual conversations with a few random students in line, it became quite apparent that none of them really know anything about Tibet, her history, her culture or what happened 50 years ago.  All they know about the Dalai Lama is what is reported by an uncritical press which succeeded in cultivating enormous respect for “His Holiness.” But how is he deserving of this adoration?  Is it just pity for having lost his mountain feudal kingdom that he is accorded this unearned respect and privilege?  The Western presses have by and large been willing propaganda tools for the Tibetan government-in-exile since day one, 50 years ago.  When it comes to total lack of objectivity in reporting, cuddling the Free Tibet movement is as bad as it can get.  It also helps to have Hollywood on their side too!  Hollywood stars and starlets may not know who Gordon Brown is or even the name of our Vice-President but they all know the Dalai Lama.

It is certainly easy to see how the Dalai Lama can be such a lovable figure. He is quite good looking — as a young man he was very handsome and now in his 70’s, he still has the face and smile that everyone wants in a grandfather.  He speaks passable English with a hint of Oxford-British accent which further endears him to American audiences.  In the U.S., press on both the right and the left end of the political spectrum incessantly fawn over him and never even pretend to cover him objectively.  He is a poster-boy for the right — any victim of the evil Chinese communist bully gets a free pass in any political discourse with this crowd.  He is easily the darling of the political left — his plea for a non-violent resolution of his homeland dispute with the Chinese government brought out the Gandhi-complex among Hollywood elites weened on the anti-war movement which in turn helped command the attention of the celebrity obsessed press.  His latest book “The Universe is a Single Atom” (2006) upped the ante for New-Agers, bringing respectability to all manners of “quantum reality” woo.  With so much pseudo-science packed in one volume, he can make Deepak Chopra’s works read like real physics.

My fellow blogger Brian Dunning has done a podcast recently about Tibet which included some reality of Tibet and Tibetan society not commonly reported, so I will not repeat many of his points here.  But call me a curmudgeon, for I have a less charitable view of the Dalai Lama. Every time I run into people demonstrating to help free Tibet or ask me to sign a petition to “Free Tibet”, I usually stare at them and ask them “Free Tibet for what? To go back to their feudal system with slaves and let the Dalai Lama lord over his minions?” Of course, whenever I bring this up, I’m accused of being a stooge of the Chinese government or worse.  Just to set the record straight, I am a very severe critic of the Chinese regime as there are a lot to criticize them for — both my father and mother have lost members of their family to that regime for no other reason than owning enough properties to be considered capitalist dogs during the Cultural Revolution. However, the one-sided reporting of all the goings on in Tibet raise the skeptic ire in me.  Every time there is a demonstration in Lhasa, especially when bloodshed is involved, it’s always the Chinese Government’s fault and the Dalai Lama has nothing to do with it. Really?  Did the Western press just reprint press-releases from the Tibet Government-in-exile and did they actually check to see if he or his minions cooling their heels in luxury in Dharamsala may or may not have encouraged an uprising?

How many heads of state are addressed as “His Holiness?”  Actually according to the official Tibet government, his full title is: Holy Lord, Gentle Glory, Compassionate, Defender of the Faith, Ocean of Wisdom ! Aren’t such flowery honorifics reserved for leaders in totalitarian states like North Korea (“Dear Leader”, “Great Leader” etc.)  or reigning monarchs with no real powers like the Queen of England?  Is it possible that being addressed as “His Holiness” is important for a politician who wants to get a free pass from a cynical public.  When he repeats the oft quoted figure of 1.2 millions Tibetans killed by the Chinese during their brutal annexation exercise, “His Holiness” does not have to provide proof or cite sources and no one in the popular press found it necessary to check up on those figures. Given that the population of Tibet in 1950 was 1.5 million from Chinese sources and 4 million from Tibet government-in-exile source, the 1.2 million casualty number has to be highly suspect.  (The 1994 Report of the Conference of International Lawyers on Issues Relating to Tibet cited a population of 1.8 million in 1964 and 2.1 million in 1990.)

He was selected as the re-incarnation of the Buddha when he was TWO years old.  In 1950, at the age of 15 — yes — fifteen — as in 1 — 5 — he was installed as the political head of state and government — not just a titular head like some baby monarch of the past but one with real power.  In 1954, when he was 19, he went in person to engage in peace talks with Chinese Chairman Mao Tse-Tung and Premier Chou En-Lai.  Did he really think that these two seasoned revolutionaries and survivors of years of political struggles and now undisputed leaders of the most populous country would take him seriously?   Just imagine if the Iranian government were to send a teenager to negotiate with the U.S. to try to reestablish diplomatic relations, we would be highly insulted and the rest of the world would laugh — and deservedly so.  Well, of course “His Holiness” was not a teenager then, he was re-incarnated, so he was already really a few hundred year old even though his chronological age was only 19. No really! This is what happens when a group of people actually believe fantasies of their own making and assume that everyone else will play along.

Accurate reporting of the Dalai Lama and Tibet is very rare — even in the age of Internet communications. Almost all articles not written by the Chinese Government are Pro-Dalai Lama. Any articles critical of the Dalai Lama are immediately suspected as being propaganda of the Chinese.  There is definitely a conspicuous absence of articles describing the conditions of the Tibetan peasants, or comparing pre and post-Chinese occupation Tibetan society. Whether it’s Times, Newsweek, Harpers, New Yorker or National Review, popular magazines in the U.S. all paint a rosy picture of a smiling avuncular Dalai Lama driven from his peaceful Utopian mountain paradise and appealing to the world to help him return. (“Help” usually means “send money.”) It is not until the curious readers get their hands on more academic publications like Foreign Affairs or Asian Journal of Political Science that a more studied picture of the real Tibet can be understood in context with its history, religion and culture.  Among popular press, this UK Telegraph’s article from last year, Myth and Reality in Tibet is a rare exception. The March 2008 article opened with this observation:

The myth, of course, is an outgrowth of Tibet’s former inaccessibility, which has fostered illusions about this mysterious land in the midst of the Himalayan Mountains — illusions that have been skillfully promoted for political purposes by the Dalai Lama’s advocates.

And for a peek into the lives of the serfs under the old regime, this from historian Michael Parenti’s Friendly Feudalism is most telling:

Young Tibetan boys were regularly taken from their peasant families and brought into the monasteries to be trained as monks. Once there, they were bonded for life. Tashì-Tsering, a monk, reports that it was common for peasant children to be sexually mistreated in the monasteries. He himself was a victim of repeated rape, beginning at age nine.  The monastic estates also conscripted children for lifelong servitude as domestics, dance performers, and soldiers.

Parenti’s well documented account of conditions of women under the Lama-regime will outrage any of the women students standing in line waiting for tickets to hear “His Holiness” expound on the rights of men and pleas to “free” his country:

Not all Tibetan exiles are enamored of the old Shangri-La theocracy. Kim Lewis, who studied healing methods with a Buddhist monk in Berkeley, California, had occasion to talk at length with more than a dozen Tibetan women who lived in the monk’s building. When she asked how they felt about returning to their homeland, the sentiment was unanimously negative. At first, Lewis assumed that their reluctance had to do with the Chinese occupation, but they quickly informed her otherwise. They said they were extremely grateful “not to have to marry 4 or 5 men, be pregnant almost all the time,” or deal with sexually transmitted diseases contacted from a straying husband. The younger women “were delighted to be getting an education, wanted absolutely nothing to do with any religion, and wondered why Americans were so naïve [about Tibet].”

That there are so few articles in the popular press with a more balanced evaluation of post-occupation Tibet is certainly the Chinese government’s own fault. Their heavy-handed censorship and mishandling of the foreign press have time and again backfired on them. If the Dalai Lama and his government-in-exile have done everything right in cultivating the Western press, the Chinese government has done everything wrong — antagonize and alienated them and worse, alienated the Western media consumers.  Suppose CBS were to do an honest 60-Minutes feature piece and highlighted some positive aspects of Tibetan peasants especially that of women today as compared to the abject feudal days of the Lamaist rule, no one would believe them — or worse, accuse the producers of being propaganda tools by only interviewing pro-Chinese peasants.

By all accounts, Tibetan society before being “liberated” and occupied by the Chinese, was a dastardly backwards serfdom run by monks, monasteries and feudal lords. If the very uptight Chinese government will just let the world press free run of the country, Western media consumers might just find out how much happier the Tibetans are with their lot in life now compared to before “liberation” when the ruling feudal lords and monastic authorities literally “owned” the peasant population. But because the Chinese government’s credibility among the Western press is practically nonexistent, no one would believe them or any reports from the field as to the satisfaction with life from ordinary Tibetans today. The Chinese government, by their own repressive press policy, denied themselves a great opportunity to tell their side of the story to the world while the Dalai Lama jets around the world merrily cashing checks from a naive un-skeptical American public who found a hero figure in him.

Is it important for the young people standing in line waiting for tickets to adore His Holiness know a little bit more about Tibet? Yes, because naively, I like to belief that they are the future leaders of this country and it is time they stop seeing the politics of the world in black and white.  40 years ago, we found ourselves entangled in the Vietnam War and lost tens of thousands of lives without understanding what it was all about.  It was a lot more than just the “good guys” democracy-loving South Vietnamese versus the evil Commie Vietcong — it was nationalism, it was ethnic Chinese urban intelligentsia versus indigenous rural natives, etc.  Then 30 years later we repeated this exercise in ignorance with Iraq, again not understanding that it’s a lot more than just Saddam the “bad guy” versus the “good guys,” the Iraqi people.  We are now mired in it because we were clueless as to the depth of hatred for each other among the Sunnis, Shiites, Kurd and other minor factions — all of whom we ignorantly lumped together as “the Iraqi people.”  I doubt if we will ever go to war over Tibet but we all have the responsibility to not be cheerleaders for every cause that make us “feel good.” The least we can do before we write checks to every freedom fighter that descends on our campuses is to make sure that he/she is not just a slick salesman.

Finally, to point out the motes in the Dalai Lama’s adoring fans eyes is not to say we endorse the Chinese actions in Tibet 50 years ago. But by the same token, romanticizing the old misogynistic aristocratic theocracy of the old Tibet and ignoring the social and civil progress post-occupation, and blindly supporting the figurehead of the old regime, would be equally counterproductive.

I’m going to sound like a conspiracy theorist – it’s my grumpy rant about oil-change interval for our much beloved automobiles. I don’t know why, but I get terribly bugged by this every time I happen to buy a new car – which I did last month.  I just feel liked being “bullied” into not making the right decisions about our environment and my pocket book.

For years, the recommended oil change interval for gas-powered cars in the US has been every 3,000 miles.  This 3,000 miles interval is so well programmed into the psyche of the driving public that for many, drivers, mechanics, and dealers alike, it’s sacrosanct.  I’m trying to break a superstitious habit.

Let’s start with the fundamentals – why we need to change the oil in the engine?  Because oil gets “used up.”  This means that after being in the engine crankcase, churned at high temperature by the crankshaft and circulated throughout the bearings, it will eventually lose it’s lubrication quality.  This lost of lubrication is due to contamination from the engine (anti-freeze, unburned gasoline, metallic particulates from the bearing) and physical destruction of the oil molecules due to intense heat and sheer forces which the oil is subjected to.

But why 3,000 miles?  This number has been considered the useful life of the oil and everyone who is alive today seem to know that number from “way back when I first learn to drive!”  Some 30 years ago, it was brought to my attention that we in the US may have been taken for a ride.  A visiting scholar from the UK decided to buy a car while he and his family were in the US so they could see the country. He bought the same car (make and model) as his own at home as he’s familiar with it. As the shade-tree mechanic at that institute, I was asked to help him check out his find. His first question after scanning through the US version of the owner’s manual was why the recommendation to change oil very 3,000 miles whereas the identical model he owned in the UK had a recommendation of 7,500 miles interval. Oh really?  I did an informal survey among our overseas visitors from Germany, Japan, UK and France and indeed everyone said that their oil change intervals at home were anywhere from 5,000 miles to 10,000 miles.  So, was their oil better than ours?  Is their driving conditions less demanding?  Are their gasoline (petrol) cleaner? The answers were no, no, and no.  Car owners outside the US were just not brainwashed with the superstition that oil only lasts 3,000 miles.

15 years ago – I bought myself a brand new luxury car and the recommended oil change interval list in the users manual was every 7,500 miles!  Wow.. finally?  But no – after signing all the papers for the purchase, I was introduced to the service manager and the first thing he reminded me was to make sure I bring the car back every 3,000 miles for an oil change! No, no, no.. I protested – the manufacturer recommended 7,500. I also found out that the same car sold in it’s native country of Japan (but under a different make and model name) had a recommended oil change interval of 15,000 kilometers (almost 10,000 miles.)  So, nice Mr Service manager started to explain to me why I should ignore the manufacturer’s recommendation and get the oil changed every 3,000 miles. It’s CHEAP INSURANCE to protect an expensive car.  I was not convinced – and assured him that I will bring my car back to his dealership every 7,500 miles for an oil change – and since they have very good record keeping, I don’t expect them to hassle me about my warranty if anything goes wrong with the fine engine during the warranty period.  (It also helped that their charge for oil change was only $10 more than the neighborhood quick-change outfit and they thrown in a free rental car for the day and they wash my luxury-mobile before I pick it up – so it worth taking it to them.)  But after each oil change, they put a sticker on my window to bring the car back after 3,000 miles – which I duly ignore and brought the car in again at 7,500 mile interval plus or minus 200 miles.  They never harassed me again for a couple of years until a new service manager came on board and he started all over again about bringing the car in very 3,000 miles.

In the last 50 years, technologies we encountered in every aspects of our lives have improved greatly – so why not the automobile industry?  Shouldn’t oil have a longer useful life now than 50 years ago?  Shouldn’t the oil filters be better at removing contaminants from the oil then 50 years ago?  Shouldn’t metallurgy have improved the engine bearings? Shouldn’t engines have a much better combustion control systems to keep uncombusted contaminates off the crankcase?  The answers are of course yes, yes, and yes!  But we are being bullied and intimated by the purveyors of more frequent oil change proponents who have a lot to gain by our acquiescence to their scare tactics?

To satisfy my own curiosity and to shut Mr Service Manager up, I decided to actually send my oil to a lab to be tested.  There are many laboratories that will test used oil and will give you a list of contaminants and a report of the general health and well being of the engine from which the oil came from. It only cost about $25 and a 4 oz sample of your oil. Many large fleet owners use these labs rather than depend on mileage or hours of operations to determine when oil should be changed. (Google “oil analysis” and you’ll find these companies.)  When my luxury mobile had about 120,000 miles, I sent in a sample each at 3,000, 5,000 and 7,000 miles after the oil change.  The results that came back was astonishing and very educational.  It showed that all the 3 samples had pretty much identical metallic contamination – very very low – indicating very little wearing of the engine.  They all indicated no anti-freeze – indicating that the head gaskets were good and the integrity of the engine block.  The oil analysis report also indicated no gasoline contamination – indicating that the piston rings and combustion metering was perfect. Most importantly, the report indicated that all three samples showed very little change in viscosity over the period of use, indicating that the oil had not deteriorated.  I shared the reports with the service manager, buttering him up with kudos for the fine engineering of the brand’s car engine. He was satisfied that I’m not ruining the car by changing oil every 7,500 miles – I claim that I could have gone another 7,500 miles with the state of the oil they just poured out.

But the saga continues.  At 200,000 miles, with the car in almost mint condition and engine  purring like a kitten, I traded it in for a Hybrid. (I missed my 14-speaker, power-everything luxury-mobile but changing from a 15 mpg to 50 mpg commute-mobile was good for my pocket book and green-conscience.)  My new hybrid came with a factory recommendation of 10,000 miles between oil change.  Hallelujah – amazing – a manufacturer finally stepped up to the plate and is willing to say that oil chemistry, engines control and fluid filtering technologies have improved and we don’t have to waste oil changing it so often when it’s obviously not needed.  But guess what, after the first 10,000 miles with the hybrid, when I brought it in for its first oil change, I was accosted by the service manager who tried to convince and cajole (more like cohere and threaten) me into bringing it in for oil changes every 3,000 miles! No.. No.. NO.. I protested – unless he can show me a recall notice, service bulletin or service manual addendum from the manufacturer, I will stay with the recommendation printed in the users manual. So, I duly took the hybrid in to the dealer every 10,000 miles for the oil change and they duly slap a next-service reminder sticker after each service to come back in 3,000 miles, which I duly ignore!

Last month, I succumbed to the ultra-cuteness of the Smart Car “fortwo” model (even the model name is too cute!) and bought one.  The overjoy salesman was more than eager to tell me all the great things about the little bugsy looking two-seater – the highlight of which was that it only needs service (ie oil change) every 10,000 miles.  I starred at him with a look of incredulity!  “Yea, that’s what you and the manual say, but what would your service manager tell me?” I hissed.  So, we walked over to the service manager’s office and I asked him directly to which he replied “we do what the service manual says and if it says oil change every 10,000 miles, then every 10,000 miles it is.”  Now, that’s different.. but we’ll see. I only have 950 miles on the little thing and when I bring it back at 10,000, I know if he really meant it.

So, if I were to make this 3,000 mile oil change nonsense into a conspiracy, who is perpetuating it and who benefits from perpetuating it?  Every good conspiracy theory has to have a beneficiary (usually the US Government, Big-Pharma, etc) The three obvious suspects are 1) Oil Companies, 2) Car manufacturer and 3) Oil Change service industry including car dealerships.

1. Oil companies are one of the least beloved industries in this country so it’s tempting but as I see it, we cannot hang this one on them.  Yes, they’ll sell more oil if we change more often but they can charge more for longer lasting oil.  In fact many brands proudly tout that you can leave their oil in for 25,000 miles and more. It is in their interest to flaunt how good their oil is and give customers more confidence in using their brand.  They make money charging 5 times more for oil that will last 3 time longer.  It’s good profit for them.
2. Car manufactures are recommending longer and longer intervals between oil changes.  Intervals of 5,000, 7,500 mile intervals are very common and many are recommending 10,000 miles intervals.  They understand that their engines are much better made than 50 years ago with higher quality material, more accurate fuel/air mixing resulting in cleaner burning engines.  Since they have to underwrite the warranty for their engines, it is in their interest to recommend the longest possible interval they can statistically justify.  So, if they recommend 10,000 miles you can be assured that it will be good, for the penalty is on them to fix a bad engine at a cost to them financially and more importantly, their reputation.
3. Oil Change businesses are the only ones to lose if you change your oil less often. As car engines become more and more reliable; as computer technology took over more and more of the engine control, there is less and less things that are repairable in the engine. The modern automobile engines are now so complicated and computerized that most of the problem can only be diagnosed by specialized computers and software, specialized for a particular make and model of the engine. This means that dealers are doing most of the repairs but even then, with the reliability, their main income stream may well be the “routine” maintenance, oil change being one of them.  They want to scare you into bringing your car back for more “routine” maintenance.  The street corner gas station has long gotten out of the repair or maintenance business.  The “quick-change-while-U-wait” is the fast-food equivalent for the auto-industry and is entirely dependent on routine maintenance.  They really really want (need) you to visit them every 3,000 miles to stay in business.  In addition to changing oil, they will also try to sell you additives for every liquid in your car.  They will try to convince the naive and uninitiated to buy the additives and come back more often for  oil changes by showing them how “discolored” the oils are compared to new clear right off the can samples. How else can “Quicklee Lube” charge only $19.95 for an oil change?  Note: discoloration of your engine oil after even a mile of driving is not an indication of anything special!

Seriously, I don’t know if there really is a conspiracy perpetrated by the oil change businesses.  It is really up to us consumers to rid ourselves of this superstition that oil formulated by laboratories with 21st Century know-how and used in engines with advance electronic management can only be good only for 3,000 miles. The manufacturers know better – go with their recommendation for they have everything to lose by recommending too long an interval.  If there is a problem with what they recommend in the owners manual, they will have a service bulletin issued to the dealers and an amendment to your manual.  Don’t waste oil – yes, I know they get recycled but why waste the resources to recycle more oil than is needed.  And especially for your pocket book and inconvenience, why change oil 2 or 3 times more frequent than is really needed.

End rant ..

In getting ready for our big reunion, and thanks to the age of electronic communications, I have had the opportunity to be re-acquainted with many of my old classmates over the Internet before we get to actually meet face to face in a couple of month. I was quite dismayed to learn that a couple of my classmates who have immigrated to the USA have become full blown Creationists! What? Yes, card-carrying Young Earth Creationists!  How can that be?

If you have read  Dr. Novella’s blog here on how the Creationist movement in the US has been trying to get a strangle hold on the education authorities in this country, you will have to agree that they are quite a persuasive bunch with oodles of financial and legal resources at their disposal.  All this I am aware of. But how did they to get one of “us?” – I kept wonderings when I found out that I have creationist classmates.

For the first 12 years of my educations, I attend a mission school in what was then North Borneo – a British Colony (North Borneo was renamed Sabah when it gained independence and became one of the states of the Federation of Malaysia in 1963.)  The school was run by the SPG – Society for the Propagation of the Gospel – a missionary arm of the Anglican Church.  All of us in that school, from kindergarten through Form 6 (equivalent of grade 12 in the US) had scripture and bible class two or three times a week, in addition to morning prayer and hymn assembly every day.  Out of this experience, many of us were converted to the Christian faith and out of this experience of being together for twelve of the most formative years of our early life, we became a very close bunch of friends until we were scattered all over the world in search of higher education – not then available in Borneo.  

Of the thousands of Christian denominations, the Anglicans (Episcopal in the US) are as  moderate as they come!  Evolution was taught in their mission schools and Charles Darwin was revered as one of the greatest scientists of the British Empire.  Yes, we were also taught the glory of the British Empire – on which the sun will never set!  Thanks to the mission school system, we were given a great science education (and that our souls were saved was primary for the SPG!) We learnt  more world geography and history than many high school student in the US today and since most of us in that school were of Chinese ancestry, we were fed Chinese history even more intensely.  All in all, we have 12 years of superb primary and secondary education, not just for a bunch of kids in Borneo but by any standards of the developed countries.  Many of my classmates ended up in some of the best schools in the UK (Cambridge, U of London), Canada (McGill, UBC, McMaster, U of Toronto) and the US (MIT, Ohio State, UC Berkeley, RPI.)  Due to the lack of opportunities back home in the 1970’s when we graduated, many, including myself, ended up being immigrants in the country of their higher education. 

So, how did a couple of these well educated and well read immigrants to the US ended up buying the whole Creationists line of thinking?  I am really curious.  I checked with a few of my classmates with whom I regularly communicate, just to see where they are spiritually.  A few of them remained on the “liberal” end of the Christian spectrum while most of us have de-converted.  The problem I have with Chinese fundamentalist Christians is how could they discard their own history?  For better or for worse, we come from an ancient culture and definitely have the baggage to show for it. We have written history as old as any Middle Eastern civilizations.  We have our own legends and sagas to tell the stories of our glorious ancient past.  So how can a Chinese, knowing his own culture and historical past become a Young Earth Creationist?  How can a person have two histories?  What kind of mental gymnastic must my YEC classmates perform to adopt the Genesis stories as real and to discard the narratives of our forebearers was mere legends? 

Strictly speaking, Chinese has no religion – just lots of superstitions. Religions so often associated with China like Buddhism (imported from India), Confucianism and Taoism are really philosophies of life.  Our “spirituality”, if that’s what we want to call it, is manifested in veneration of our eldest, and those who came before us.  “Make your ancestors proud of you!” is the battle cry of the Chinese culture.  These “religions” which are based on philosophical principles of men like Lao Tzu, Confucius and Buddha blend ethics and philosophical contemplation with spirituality.  As such, Taoist Confucius and Buddhist teachings are not based on “revealed truths” recorded in sacred text.  And because they do not rely on divinely inspired text for their authority, they can change with the times and culture.  Their teachings merely point to pathways and anyone is welcome to make sense of those pathways and make them relevant for the morels, customs and culture of the time. You can walk those pathways in the spirit of compassion, peace and civility.  More liberal Christianity (like the Anglican mission school I attended) is willing to interpret the message of Jesus as one such pathway and urged us to augment our spirituality with the concept of redemption of sin and the preparation for an after life. That message can be incorporated in any culture and philosophy.  The success of the Anglican missions in many disparate cultures throughout the British Empire attest to the cogency of that message. 

At the fundamentalist end of the spectrum is of course the biblical literalists/inerrantists.  It requires the believer not just to accept the message of hope, love and salvation, but also the central theme of the story which is the creation, fall and redemption of the Hebrew Nation.  Believers must definitely adapted and incorporated into their cultures this Hebraic Messianic story.  But we Chinese had written history longer than the Hebrews and Egyptians.  How can a Chinese Fundamentalist accept as literal history obviously legendary stories in the Bible like Creation in Six Days, Tower of Babel, Noah’s Flood, and sagas like the battles between the northern nations and the southern kingdoms, etc. and make them his own history?  In a strict and literal interpretation of the bible, Jesus was the messiah promised to the Jews by God to redeem their sins and their failings in the millennium before they settle in Palestine.  Nothing is said about the Chinese (or anyone else for that matter!)

I am looking forward to meeting up with my YEC classmates and to picking their brains on this matter.  It really bothers me!  Stay tuned when I report back about this in a couple of months.

All right, I guess I should get out more often!  I finally met a real life conspiracy nut in person and I have to admit that the experience disturbed me more than I thought it should.  I met someone who is sure that the water vapor tails left in the atmosphere by jet engines (contrails) are really chemical sprays (Chemtrails) commissioned by the U.S. government for some nefarious purpose.  Yes, I have heard of them in passing, along with the 911 “Truther” and the JFK conspiracy nuts but I never thought I’d actually talk to a live one! 

Since my stints on CBS Survivor (Season 14 Fiji and Season 16 Micronesia), I had the opportunity to travel and meet more people outside of my ordinary mundane State civil service job life than I ever dreamt I would.  In the last year, I travelled more than I ever did in the last 10 years before that – so I have spent more time hanging out, waiting in airports than actually flying in planes! A month ago, I was in Long Island, New York for a Survivor fundraiser event. My flight home was scheduled to leave JFK at 9am but the shuttle from the Long Island hotel ran only every 2 hours!  Taking into account that weekend’s rainy weather and unpredictable traffic, I decided to wake up early to take the 5am shuttle instead of the 7 am.  That morning the rain had stopped and the roads were clear, putting me at JFK a little after 6 am – giving me 3 hours of hanging out at the waiting area.  

As soon as I got to the boarding area,  I was recognized by a clean-cut, well-dressed middle-age man who asked for my autograph and picture taken with him.  I obliged.  Then he sat down next to me and asked me if I mind talking to him about my Survivor experience.  Sure, we have 2 ½ more hours to kill. He introduced himself as a fan of the show and then after a few questions about making of reality-TV shows, asked if I mind moving to seats nearer to the glass wall over-looking our plane while we talked.  No problem as I thought that “Bob” could be some aviation buff and likes planes.  As we talked, in between his questions about how the show was made, etc., I noticed that he was distracted sometimes, with intense interest in all the activities around the ground crews preparing our plane.  (It was an originating direct JFK to SFO flight, and not a stopover; which could account for the more than usual activities around the plane.)  My curiosity got better of me and so I finally asked him about his interest in the fueling, and other maintenance activities around our plane.

That was it!  Bob start in about Chemtrails.  He asked if I knew anything about it and when I plead ignorance, he was more than glad to fill me in on all the details.  I will not go into the gory details of this conspiracy and leave it to you to Google “Chemtrails” to learn all about it.  Bob seemed like a very reasonable and personable normal guy when we first met just 30 minutes earlier.  But as soon as he started on the Chemtrail conspiracy, I felt like I was cornered by a Hare Krishna or a Moonie proselytizer!   He was sure that someone like me, schooled in the sciences would know how “it works” and how “they” do it! 

By then, we still have more than 90 minutes from boarding.  This was one of the only times since my TV appearance that I wish I would be recognized by more people at the waiting area so they would interrupt me and give me a good excuse to stop talking to Bob!  But alas, it was not a very full flight and there were no fellow passenger/Survivor-Fan to my rescue.  The more he got into the whole Chemtrail conspiracy the more fantastic it sounded.  If I were just reading what he was telling me, I would have dismissed it as a good spoof on conspiracy theories or at best the rambling of a deluded individual.  But there I was talking to a completely normal person till the subject of his pet peeve about our government came up! 

Since I knew very little about this Chemtrail thing, my curiosity was aroused!  And as luck would have it, that flight had a WiFi service! I had to Google “Chemtrail” as soon as I can turn on my laptop!  (For $9.95, a passenger with a computer or iPhone can have access to wireless Internet service for the duration of the flight.  That’s way too cheap, I thought. How many years and users would the airline need to have to recoup their investment in that infrastructure to provide that service at that rate? If it were not for this burning desire to learn more about Chemtrail conspiracy, I would have never had any reason to spend $9.95 for Internet access on a 5 hour flight!  Well, the question was quickly answered – they make their money selling ads – every time a new page loaded, it was preceded by an arrival city targeted ads for car rentals, airport shuttle services, hotels, spas and of course a special discount code for fancy high-end luggage in case they lost yours on your current flight!  Now, that’s a conspiracy worth looking into!) 

Since that encounter at JFK, I’ve been asking myself why that experience was so special if not profound for me.  Yes, Bob was the first real walking, talking conspiracy nut I’ve met in person, but I’m sure he would not be the last.  The more I learn about the Chemtrail nonsense, the more incredulous I am and find myself unable to shake the feeling that Bob was pulling my leg!  The whole Chemtrail conspiracy theory is almost a caricature of all conspiracy theories.  Is it possible that anyone of sound mind could really believe that the “government” is somehow controlling the citizenry by doping them up with chemicals sprayed military jets and jetliners, with the corporation of commercial aviation?  I grew up with a mother who is absolutely certain that she has had encounters with ghosts and spirits; I have aunts and uncles who are sure that Feng-Shui is a science, so it’s not like I’m unfamiliar with people who believes weird stuff. I guess it’s cultural conditioning. Objectively, their beliefs make no more sense than believing that water vapor trailing hot jet engines are chemical sprays. So, while I have no problem believing that my relatives really believe what they believe, I still have the nagging feeling that Bob was pulling my leg all along and that now he can brag at the next office party about putting one on on a D-list celebrity. 

One of the hazards of being a Chinese in the San Francisco Bay Areas is that I frequently get asked to give advice about Feng-Shui. Feng-Shui is perhaps one of the most virulent strain of pseudoscience from the East that has attached itself firmly to the New Age Movement and adopted by many noveau rich of the Silicon Valley and Napa Valley who seem to have an affection for all things associated with Ancient Eastern philosophy or mysticism. I have been at gatherings where the conversation revolves around business successes attributed to good Feng-Shui and bad business outcomes or a failed startup vineyard or dot.com venture was blamed on the principals’ willful ignorance of the “fundamentals” of Feng-Shui when designing their corporate headquarters.

Feng-Shui, which literally means “Wind” and “Water”, is the belief that every location has a natural vital energy force “qi” (pronounced as chi) and building and furnishings must be laid out in such a way as to be in harmony with this qi. I’ll leave it to my readers to Google “Feng Shui” to learn all about the history and the intricacies of this very well developed pseudoscience. When you do, pay special attention to how the defenders of Feng-Shui try to define the meaning of qi and justify its existence.

There are really two very different variation of Feng Shui. The first is the kind most people are familiar with and which irks practitioners of “Real” Feng Shui – it’s what I call “Feng-Shui lite.” Feng-Shui lite does not require any belief in qi or any other associated mambo-jumbo. This is the Feng-Shui of the popular press in the US and what most people are really referring to when they talk Feng-Shui. It’s the common sense wisdom about how to position your furniture in your rooms for health and prosperity; how to decorate your office and reception area, where to place a potted plant etc. if you want your business to be successful and have good health to boot! Up to a point, even skeptics like me have no problem with this. It certainly does not take a Harvard MBA to understand that if your place of business is decorated appropriate to your line of business and your reception area or meeting rooms are warm, comfortable and welcoming, you probably will make a better impression on your prospects and customers. Any successfully restaurant owner can attest to that fact that other than good food, a well laid out dinning room with comfortable chairs and eye-pleasing décor will attract returning customers. If your business is successful, you’ll probably be less stressed out and more likely be in better health!

But, no, that’s not it. That’s not what Feng-Shui is all about, say the true believers. “Real” Feng-Shui, they claim has nothing to do with consumer psychology. What they are claiming is that “real” Feng-Shui is a very well developed set of rules of how to align physical objects to be in harmony with the qi lines of the earth. They claim that it is a “science” in its own right. “Real” Feng Shui practitioners who claim to have studied the subject and learned the tools of the trade will be able to really divine the most optimum way to orient buildings, locate the doorways, place furniture and grow the right tree or bush to ensure success for the business, good fortune, health and career success for the occupant of buildings so laid out. In cities like Singapore, Hong Kong, Taipei, no architect will start locating a building on a site without first consulting a Feng-Shui master. It has been pointed out to me that lately, some architects and builders in North American cities like Vancouver, Toronto, San Francisco and Los Angeles are beginning to hire Feng-Shui consultants if they have any Chinese investor in their development project or if they think they may have a chance to sell the property to Chinese buyers. These Feng-Shui consultants do not come cheap – a few thousand to tens of thousands of dollars for consultation fee is not uncommon. They come armed with a “bagua” – a measuring instrument to help lend Feng-Shui some “scientific” validation. You can find many images of the bagua on the net – but the “real” ones used by the highly paid consultants usually come with a small compass in the middle (where most amateur models will have the yin-yang symbol) for more precise alignment of the room, building, garden with the perceived qi of the locale to achieve optimal harmony. In addition, in high profile development projects (such as the recently completed Taipei 101 skyscraper in Taipei, Taiwan) the initial on-site consultation comes with no small amount of pomp and ceremony, complete with the highly paid Feng-Shui Master dressed in Qing Dynasty silk robe – like he just walked off the set of The Last Emperor! (I have never met a woman Feng-Shui consultant but my true believer friends and relatives assured me that there is no proscription against females from partaking in this lucrative profession.) The Feng-Shui consultant is usually respectfully referred to and addressed as Mr. Feng-Shui.

Now, for the uninitiated, you may wonder why all the fuss. Isn’t there a set of rules, or better yet, well established formulae on how to layout a building, room or garden courtyard? Surely after a few thousand years, shouldn’t there be just a look up table or a massive reference manual that any architect or land developer can refer to? “Well, just because you have a Physician’s Desk Manual doesn’t mean you can practice medicine” a kindly Mr. Feng-Shui once explained to me. (He’s a good friend of my mom, and with a degree in civil engineering, he worked for a large multinational construction company before deciding to take up Feng- Shui consulting full time.) “Real Feng-Shui is very complicated and requires many years of studies and hands on training to acquire the competence to be a consultant. And like Traditional Chinese Medicine, understanding Taoism is necessary to understanding Feng-Shui.” He then went on to explain how when he is on site, he “reads” and “feels” the qi lines of force, take note of the nearby hill and streams, prevailing wind directions and other building that may affect the qi flow and then try to predict how the new building will change the overall qi pattern. Really? Really! In an urban setting, it is important to note who your business neighbors are; how the buildings across the street look like, where their front doors open to etc. Some businesses are particularly troublesome – casinos, funeral parlors and business using sharp instruments (butcher shops, workshop etc) have “killer qi” and may affect an otherwise normal qi flow. So, he is trained to “see” how all these factors affect the qi of the area and the resulting qi flow and how the harmony with the occupants will be affected in the new building or a building being renovated. Readers are definitely welcome to imagine me rolling my eyes while he was explaining this to me!

So, does Feng-Shui work? Well practitioners all have their anecdotal stories and the popular press in Asia publishes them uncritically for their believing readership. My classmates and relatives who live in Hong Kong and Singapore delight in frequently emailing to Feng-Shui infidels like me many “success” stories. They all have the same story arc. Here’s a typical “see-it-works!” Feng-Shui story. Some big multinational company (always headquartered in USA, Germany or UK and run by unbelievers) decided to set up a regional headquarter in Singapore (or Hong Kong, or Taipei – pick one) They bought or leased a building, gutted the inside and renovated it without consulting with a Mr. Feng Shui despite pleas by the local staff who obviously knew better. As predicted, after the company moved in, things started to go wrong. Either the staff got sick a lot or the business performance was abysmal. Then the regional boss wised up and hired Mr. Feng Shui to take a look. In one version, the remedy was as simple as hanging a mirror at some strategic location in the front lobby to deflect bad qi emitting from across the street. In more involved versions, Mr. Fung Shui recommended that the front door should be moved a few feet to the South, turn the receptionist desk to face a different direction, convert the lobby restrooms into janitor closets to stop good qi from escaping down the drains, relocate the boss’s office to a different floor and to the opposite corner of the building, change the décor of the conference room etc., etc. Voila! A few million dollars of renovations and $25K to Mr. Feng Shui (payment always wrapped in a red envelope) and the company reported a profit the following quarter. It’s amazing how many such similar stories are circulated in Asian financial centers. The details may differ, but it’s the same story line every time.

While many Chinese in modern Asia may be eschewing Tradition Chinese Medicine in favor of evident-based Western medicine, the belief in the efficacy of Feng-Shui is still firmly entrenched in their psyche.  What I don’t get is how these believers don’t see the inherent dissonance in their thinking.  Many business tycoons have business degrees from the best business schools in the US, UK and Canada.  They send their children to learn from the best (Haas, Sloan, Wharton, Harvard etc) to make sure their business remain competitive and thrive.  Yet, in the end, they put their trust in an ancient superstition.  Maybe it’s the desire to cover all the bases, for in my reading about Asian business tycoons, it seems that the more money they have, the more superstitious they tend to be.  If Feng-Shui really works, why are millions spent by foreign aid agencies and the UN in their effort to help developing nations get the hang of growing a business infrastructure and acquiring business know-how to compete in a market economy? Why bother with all the business incubation programs if all that is needed to assure business success is to have a Feng-Shui consultant setup their business venue? What about the current financial down-turn? Of course some businesses even in Feng-Shui friendly Singapore, Hong Kong or Taipei will eventually be affected. I predict that all the Feng-Shui consultants with clients who survived the recession will tout the value of their trade and will get a lot more business. They will certainly conveniently ignore or just forget to mention their many clients who folded during this financially challenging period despite their best and most sincere Feng-Shui advice.

The Chinese culture is very superstitious. It is taken for granted that there are ghosts, goblins, and spirits living in our midst.  This attitude has diminished slightly in modern times with the concerted effort of the Chinese government since the establishment of the Peoples Republic to “re-educate” the population to abandon some of the more obvious unscientific and irrational thinking.  But superstitions associated with numbers still persist.  Today, in the Chinese communities of very modern and technologically advanced metropolis in Asia such as Hong Kong, Taipei, Singapore or in North America such as San Francisco, Vancouver and Toronto, you will probably not see joysticks and incense burning at the entrance of businesses to ward off evil spirits, but real estate agents will attest to the fact that they cannot possibility sell a house with address “5358 4th Street” to a Chinese family.

The hang-up with numbers among Chinese is a direct result of the conjunction between a superstitious culture and a monosyllabic language.  Each word in the language has a monotonic sound and is represented in writing by a single character.  But then many different characters or words have the same sound so if you just hear one character or word pronounced, you cannot pin down the meaning.  In other words, homonyms are numerous in the language.  The equivalent in English would be words like “see” and “sea” or “break” and “brake” which when just sounded out cannot be properly identified unless they are put in a phrase or sentence.  Now, consider a language where every word has that problem.  It is therefore not surprising that most Chinese jokes are puns and play on rhyming words.

In addition to the monosyllabic nature of the spoken word, it is also tonal and inflection dependent, i.e. the same sound when uttered with rising or falling tone or inflection will have a different meaning.  Of the many dialects in China, the Cantonese dialect has the most possible tonal variation for the same sound – basically with the same sound, say it four different ways tonally, you get four different concepts (written out differently.) Some sounds have as many as 7 possible tones and inflections – while 3 or 4 are common.  Take the sound “ma.” When said with a flat tone, it means “mother,” from flat to low, it means “horse.”  When pronounced with a low to high inflection, it means, “to scold or chastise” and from low to a lower inflection it means “jute or hemp.”  [ok, find a native Cantonese speaker and ask him/her to sound out “ma” the different ways and challenge yourself to figure out the difference – it’s subtle.]

Understanding this linguistic aspect of the culture, one can appreciated why many Chinese superstitions are fantastic associations of words and phonetic play on words. The word for bat is “fook” which phonetically is the same as the word for “good luck” and the word for deer is “luk” which is a phonetically the same as the word for “promotion and career success” and is also phonetically identical to the number “6.”  So the tradition gift for a college graduate would be embroidery or posters with bat and deer motive and any gift sets of six of anything is good.  The word for “tangerine” is phonetically the same as the word for “gold” so during Chinese New Year feasts, we give each other tangerines. When we say “Here’s some tangerine for you” it is completely phonetically indistinguishable from saying “Here’s some gold for you.” Even though I grew up with this type of thinking, I cannot say how much of this is taken seriously or just fanciful word play. But when it comes to homonyms or words that just rhymes with numbers, it is taken as serious as the incest taboo!

Because of the difference in pronunciations of the numbers in different dialects, superstitions associated with numbers differ in different regions of China. But by far, in Southern China, where Cantonese is the predominant dialect, superstitions associated with Cantonese pronunciation of the numerals are numerous. This is also true of Chinese communities in all major cities in Southeast Asia, Canada and the U.S. where Cantonese speakers are in the majority.  So, here are the homonyms and rhymes of the 9 digits when sounded out in Cantonese:

One – “yat” – means “certainty” when used in a sentence.
Two – “yee” – homonyms with word for easy.
Three – “sarm” – rhymes with “sarn” – life, to give birth.
Four – “say” – rhymes with “saay” – to die, death.
Five – “ng” – homonym with word for not; prefix to negate any verb or make opposite any adjective like “un-“ in English.
Six – “luk” – homonym with word for career success, promotion. Also homonym with word for deer.
Seven – “chut” – the number is associated with death!
Eight  – “bard” – rhymes with “fard” – to prosper and accumulate wealth.
Nine – “gauw” – rhymes with “gow”- enough or sufficient.  Also homonym with word for dog.
Ten – “sup” – not a problem in Cantonese but in pronounce in Mandarin, it’s a homonym with word for death and rhymes with “four.”

So now we can have some fun with numbers.  You certainly don’t want to live on 4th street (“death” street?) and of course 2nd street is always good (“easy” street.)  Combine the digits and you can really max out with good fortune living in house no. 368 on 2nd Street (“life, career success, and prosperity” on “easy” street.)  If you have to rent an office in a professional building, go for Suite 288 (“easy to prosper” and “prosper.”) and stay away from Suite 2424 (“easy death, easy death.”) Precede any good number with the digit 5 and things become problematic – so 58 is “no prosperity” and 53 is “no life” or worst yet “infertile.”  While 13 may be an unlucky number in the West, 14 to the Cantonese is “certain death.” Advice to the uninitiated: when in doubt, string on the 8’s – the more the merrier and you can’t go wrong whenever a number has lots of 8’s.

What you have to realize is that because rhythms and homonym are such an integral part of the spoken language, you cannot avoid thinking about “death” every time you say “four” or think “prosperity” whenever you say “eight.” It is then necessary to make sure that bad words don’t come out of your mouth if you can avoid it at all.  You avoid numbers like 4, 5 or 7 and go for 3’s and 8’s if you have a choice to select anything that has numbers.  If you live on 4th street, you cannot avoid giving directions to visitors on how to get to “death street.”  The problem compounds if you already have the predisposition to believe that ghosts and spirits surrounds you. Why tempt fate by saying “death”, “certain death”, “no life”, “no prosperity”, “enough career success” etc if you can avoid it at all.  When you give out your telephone number to a potential client, do you really want to say “die, die, die” if the last 3 digits of your telephone number is “444?” When I accompany my mom to the doctor, I cannot possibly tell her we are going up to Suite 414 (“death, certain death.”)

From my personal experience and observation, most of the Chinese population in the U.S. are fairly well educated and are a little less superstitious then their countrymen in the “old country.” However, that is not true of Chinese business owners.  They are a very superstitious lot when it comes to numerology which may influence their ability to make money – lots of money. There is no end to their quest for business addresses, telephone numbers and auto license plates with the correct lucky, good fortune, prosperity-inducing digits. Houses and business addresses with good, lucky numbers can fetch a higher selling or rental price if the buyer is Chinese. Stories abound in Asian business centers of business tycoons who paid over a million US dollars for lucky number license plates or telephone numbers.

So, here’s a couple of moneymaking ideas for you if you live in a community with lots of Chinese.   If you have a cell phone number or license plate with lots of 8’s, 3’s, or 6’s and no 5’s to negate all the good stuff, try auctioning it off – some Chinese business owner will buy it from you for sure.  You can be certain that all personalized license plates in California with lots of 8’s, 3’s and 6’s have been purchased by Chinese. If you work in auto sales, discount a $20,000 car to $18,888 for a Chinese propect and you’ll make the sale!  Now, the Real Estate Sale Agent of the Year Award should go to the agent who can sell a house with address No. 5358 on 4th Street to a Chinese family!  House number “no life/infertile, no prosperity” on “death” street is a no sale but to a diehard skeptic like me it may be a bargain.  Find me one.